Sometimes as I'm driving on the motorway, I suffer from disturbing murderous thoughts. Right then the prospect of building a heavy duty crossbow on the top of my caddy - operated by an in-cabin lever - specific cause for those thougths. It's called a road hog.
On some days, the road hog species seems to be on their communal day out.
Like they are everywhere: sticking to my bumper, seemingly attempting to push me off the road and blinking their headlights like they haven't noticed the trail of cars trailing behind a 30 ton truck doing 96 kms/hour, overtaking another 30 ton truck doing 95 kms/hour... Or like they bought a priced-down model that didn't come with a blinker. Being oblivious to the meaning of a solid line or a traffic sign saying maximum speed is 90 because of roadworks. Weaving the road, as if they have trouble deciding whether to take the left or right lane. Overtaking on the right and then pushing their beefed up Kensington High Street Tractors in front of me. And the worst of all: hitting their breaks for no apparent reason. Multiple times.
Today was one of those days. A double bank holiday coming up, so a combination of the usual business type road hogs in their leasecars with the jacket on a hanger behind the front seat, the blokes in the beefed up SUVs, the family men wondering how the hell does this caravan respond when they make a sudden manoevre. And forgetting they are allowed to do only 80 kms/hour. Reaching alarming speeds of 120, some even 130 kms/hour, their tug-along-home sweeping from side to side in an alarming way... when I get my eye on one of those, I have only one goal: get away from that one, and quickly!
A rather rare variety of the road hog is the slow one. They pften drive a very small car, probably fearing the thing will fall apart if they do over 100 kms/hour. Sometimes they obviously only drive country roads. Those specimens are recognizable by their anxious posture, slightly or completely leaning forward, grasping their steering wheel as if afraid it would come off. Even lorry drivers grow impatient and overtake them.
Both the snail or the speed devil make me jittery. And when I spot an additional feature like open laptop, paperwork or opened briefcase on the passenger seat, I go into full 'fight or flight' mode. Most amazing of all, the traffic police seems to be absent on the entire 1,5 hours stretch...
So... juss wondering. How illegal would it be to open the hunt for road hogs?
